Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
