Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
