It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
