U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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