Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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