So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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