she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
