i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
