My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
