Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
