I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
