don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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