I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
