The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize