pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
