Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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