She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
