did you get engaged???
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
