He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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