Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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