I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
