Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
