I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We need a shit load of segways right now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
