my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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