You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
