3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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