I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
