So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
third nipple confirmed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
