My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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