It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
