The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
