If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
