Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
