I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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