you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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