in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize