Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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