I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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