I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
