New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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