I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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