where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
