she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
