I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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