at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
