oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
