Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
