You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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