every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
