She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
