Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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