how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
