I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
