My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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