You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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