i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
