Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
