I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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