Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
