the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
