If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize