thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
