She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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