I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
