My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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